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LU 



^ AMES' SERIES OF 

STANDARD AND MINOR DRAMA, 
pS^3S ND. 225. 



,^3R615 



\ 



CUPID'S CAPERS 



( FARCE-COMED Y. ) 



WITH CAST OF CHARACTERS, ENTRANCES, AND EXITS, 
RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PERFORMERS ON THE 
STAGE, DESCRIPTION OF COSTUMES, AND THE 
WHOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS, CARE- 
FULLY MARKED FROM THE MOST AP- 
PROVED ACTING COPY. 



PRICE 15 CENTS. 



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CLYDE, OHIO; 
A. D, AMES, PUBLISHER, 



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^ ALPHABETICAL LIST DP ^ 

ximBs' Editian of Plays. 

•* »vSe^T- — •♦" 

FIFTEEN CENTS EACH I^NLESS OTHERWISE MARKED. 



2 
164 
39 
43 

luo 

125 

89 

113 

226 

14 

160 

161 

60 

152 

173 

143 

176 

162 

117 

207 

52 

76 

141 

26 

191 

194 



<1 
46 

227 

211 

l(i3 
9] 
36 
34 

229 

22.3 
81 
85 
S3 

196 
29 
18 
10 
45 
79 

144 
b7 
97 

119 
92 

112 
71 

105 
7 

201 
193 

200 
121 



DRAMAS. 

A Desperate Game 3 2 

After Ten Years 7 5 

A Life's Revenge 7 5 

Arrah de Baugh 7 5 

Aurora Floyd 7 2 

Auld Robin Gray 25c ....13 8 

Beauty of Lyons 11 2 

Bill Detrick 7 3 

Brae, the Poor House Girl.... 4 4 

Brigands of Calabria 6 1 

Conn; or. Love's Victory 11 3 

Dora 5 2 

Driven to the Wall 10 3 

Driven from Home 7 4 

East Lynne 8 7 

Emigi-ant's Daughter 8 3 

Factory Girl 6 3 

Fielding Manor 9 6 

Hal Hazard, 25c. .-^.10 3 

Heroic Dutchman of '76 8 3 

Henry Granden 11 8 

How He Did It 3 2 

Hidden Treasures 4 2 

Hunter of the Alps 9 4 

Hidden Hand 15 7 

Lights and Shadows of the 

Great Rebellion, 25c 10 5 

Lady of Lyons ,...12 5 

Lady Aud ley's Secret 6 4 

Man and Wife 12 7 

Maud's Peril 5 3 

Midnight Mistiike 6 2 

Al ilium's Crime 5 2 

Michael Erie 8 3 

Miller of DerwentAVater 5 2 

Mistletoe Bough 7 3 

Mountebanks (The) _ 6 2 

Old Honesty 5 2 

Old Phil's Birthday 5 3 

Outcast's Wife 12 3 

Out on the Woild :.... 5 4 

Oath Bound 6 2 

Painter of Ghent 5 3 

Poacher's Down 8 3 

Reverses 12 6 

Rock Allen 5 3 

Spy of Atlanta, 25c 14 3 

Thekla .; 9 4 

The False Friend 6 1 

The Fatal P.low 7 1 

The Forty-Niners 10 4 

'I'he Grntlmian in Black 9 4 

The New Magdalen 8 3 

The lieward of Crime 5 8 

Through Snow and Sunshine 6 4 

The Vow of the Ornani 7 1 

Ticket of Leave Man 9 3 

Toodles 7 2 

Uncle Tom's Cabin 15 / 

Will-o'-the-Wiap 9 4 



41 Won at Last 7 3 

192 Zion 7 4 

TEMPERANCE PLAYS. 

73 At Last 7 

75 Adrift 5 

187 Aunt Dinah's Pledge 6 

202 Drunkard [The] „ 13 

185 Drunkar I's Warning 6 

189 Drunkard's Doom 15 

181 Fifteen Years of a Drunk- 

'ard's Life 13 

183 Fruits of the Wine Cup 6 

104 Lost 6 

146 Our Awful Aunt 4 

5;;! Out in the Streets ~... 6 

51 Rescued 5 

59 Saved 2 

102 Turn of the Tid» 7 

63 Three Glasses a Day 4 

62 Ten Nights in a Bar-Room... 7 

58 Wrecked 9 

COMEDIES. 

168 A Pleasure Trip 7 

A Legal Holiday 5 

An AlHicted Family 7 

Caste 5 

199 Home 4 

174 Love's Labor Not Lost 3 

149 New Years in N. Y 7 

37 Not So Bad After All 6 

237 Not Such a Fpol as Ue Looks 6 

126 Our Daughters 8 

114 Passions 8 

219 Rass and Bottles..: 4 

221 Solon Shingle : 14 

87 The Biter Bit 3 

TRAGEDIES. 

16 The Serf 6 

FARCES AND COMEDIETTAS. 

129 Aar-u-ag-oos 2 

132 Actor and Servant 1 

12 A Capital Match 3 

1G6 A Texan Mother-in-Law 4 

30 A Day Well Spent 7 

169 A Regular Fi.x 2 

80 Alarmingly Suspicious 4 

78 An Awft.l Criminal 3 3 

65 An Unwelcome Return 3 1 

31 A Pet of the Public 4 2 

21 A Romantic Attachment 3 3 

123 A Thrilling Item 3 1 

20 A Ticket of Leave 3 2 

175 Betsey Baker 2 2 

8 Better Half 5 2 

86 Black vs. White 4 2 

22 Captain Smith 3 3 

84 Cheek Will Win , 3 

225 Cupi 's Capers .„, 4 4 

49 Der Two Surprises 1 1 



136 
124 
178 



jfi 



CUPID'S CAPERS. 

A FARCE-COMEDY 

IN THREE ACTS, 

BERT RICHARDS. 

Author (jf "Fvuliiuj With The Wron<j Man;'" 'T/ie Colored 
Senators, Etc. 

PRINJED FROM THE AUTHUR'8 OJUGIXAL MANUSCRIPT. 



ErJered according to aot of Cnnjrc*» in the year 1S87, hj 

A. D. AMES, 
in the office of the lAbrarian of Congrets at ^\'a*\ington, 






CLYDE, OHIO: 

A. D. AMES, PUBLISHER. 



CUPID'S CAPERS. . - _ . 

CHAEACTEES. 

Charles Duffer, A lawyer. 

Jim Duffer His son. 

Karl Grocer You vas h&t your life on dot. 

Rastiis Colored servant. 

Mrs. Duseuberry A giddy widoic. 

!N"an Her angel child. 

Katrina Stein Servant. 

Mrs. McGinuis of the " McGinnis Hotel.''' 



COSTUMES— MODERN. i 



,43-' 



r-il^Sir 



LIST OF PEOPEETIES. 
Tabic, tlcsk, sofa, chairs, mirror, books, doll, candy, gum', money, 
letter, bell, bottles, rope, vali.*e, revolvers, bed clothes, candles, will, 
ring, tin jtan, potatoes, knife, meat ax, gun, string. Are cracker, 
clay pipe, ratf^, bugs, niostpiitoes and numbers for doors. 

SCENES. 

ACT I. 

Scene 1 — Interior, third grooves. 
Scene 2 — Street, tirst grooves. 
Scene 3 — Interior, third grooves. 
Scene ^—Street, first grooves. 
Scene 5 — Interior, third grooves. 
Scene 6 — Street, first grooves. 

ACT II. 

Scene I — Interior, third grooves. 
Scene 2 — Street, first grooves. 
Scene 3 — Interior, third grooves. 

ACT III. 

.Scene I — Interior, second grooves. 
Sce)ie 2 — Interior, first grooves. 
Scene 3 — Interior, third grooves. 
Scene 4 — Street, first grooves. 
Scoie 5 — Interior, third grooves. 
Scene 6 — Street, first grooves. 
.S'certe 7 — Interior, third grooves. 

.ST. t GE DlUECTIOyS. 
8., means Right; l.. Left; u. h., Right lliind; l. h., Left Hand; c, Centre; s. e,; 
[2d E.,] Second Entrance; u. v.., Ui)rcr Entrance; m. d., Middle Door; f., the Flat 
p. Y., Boor in Flat; e. c, Right of Centre; l. c, Leftof Centre. 

K. K. c. c. L. c. L. 

*** The reader is supposed to be upon the stage facing tliQ audience. 



CUPID'S CAPERS, 



J^igiL. 



ACT. I. 

SCENE I — Dnmincj room in third grooves. Sofa l. 2 — Mrs. D. 
rcadinil at table v.-^Mirror n. c. — Knock h. — Enter Katrina l. 
3 E. 

Katrina. Vas it you who liaf ring for me, Mrs. Dusenberry ? 

Mrs. D. Yes, Katrina, 1 wanted to tell you that you might talie 
that half holiday this afternoon, that you were asking for only — 

Katrina. Oh, tank you, ma'am. I vas so happy now as never 
vas. Now I can go down und see fadder Stein und all der leedle 
Steins. I vas so tickled I vas laugh all over mit myself. 

Mrs. D. Never mind about your father and the young ones, but 
wait until I have finislied talking. What I Avas about to say is that 
you may have the half liolida}-, but I Avant you to take Nan along 
with you, as I am expecting callers tliis afternoon and the dear 
sweet thing Avould be so mucli embarrassed among strangers, as she 
is so very timid. You may go now. 

Katrina. All right. J vas go riglit away qucek. {aside) I vas 
haf a nice dimes mit all dot Icedie kid along. [exit l. 3 k. 

Mrs. D, There is no use in talkuig, Mr. Duller has been coming 
long enough to have made up his mind, one way or the other, and f 
■j';t7Z ?!o( have him fooling around any longer unless he means busi- 
ness. If I don't bring him to tlie point tliis time then ray name 
isn't Arabella Dusenbeiry, wife of tiie late Icliabod Duscnberry, J. 
P. If old Duller only had the snap about him tliat my dear la- 
mented Ichabod used to have, he could have married half a dozen 
times before this. 

Goes to mirror, r. c. Xan enters, l. 1 k., holdiwj doll bij one leg. 
Mrs. Dusenberkv strikes 'position in front of mirror aiid Nxy; 
imitates her. 

Nan. (aside) Ain't she a corker I {business with doll 

3Irs. D. Well, this is what /call remarkably well preserved after 
fifty years of the up's and down's of this life, and I must remark 
that 

Nan. {goes up stage) Say, ma! you're all fixed up, ain't you? 
Say, who's coming y Is Chawley coming? Oh-oo-o (s /te, mal-' 

Mrs. D. Why, Nannie, I'm really surprised at you. You must 
not speak of Mr. Dufter in that manner. 

Nan. Well, he said I might call him "Chaw lev," and I'm troin' 
to call him "Chawley," so I be. " 

Mrs. D. But why haven't you gone with Katrina? I supnosed 
that you were oft' before this time. 



4 CUPID'S CAFEBS. 

Nun, Oil, uia! I ain't goiii<; with her down lo see those old 
Stein young 'nns. Tlie}- — are— too— slow, and I ain't stuck on 'em, 
so I ain't! (turns np nose) Chawley is comino; and he always 
brings chestnuts and black jack, and I'm going to stay here, so I be. 

Mrs. D. Bat my dear child, you really cannot stay here because, 
you know, Mr. Duffer doesn't like little girls; besides, I would 
much rather be left alone this afternoon, as 1 fear I am going to have 
a severe headache, ((/ires Xax mone;/) Here is a dollar, darling, 
and you may buy all the chestnuts and gum that you wish, {kisses 
her) That's a sweet child. Go now, dear. 

Nan. (wij^es kiss cff tnith apron. Aside) (iee whi/, but slie's 
awfully liberal Avitij her cash tOAlay. {looks at Mrs. D. and (joes i>. — 
aside) Gee, but ain't it a paralyzer ? {exiti..\¥.. 

Mrs. D. {siltino) Nannie is a perfect angel of a child, .md I'm 
sure that Mr. Duffer cannot helj) thinUiiig the world of hor after he 
gets to know her a little better. Lucky it is for me that MoUie has 
succeeded in getting married at Inst to tiiat Jack Frcdson, because if 
Mr. DufTer had ever found his son Jim iiere courting one of my 
daughtei's the chances are that he would have been frightened away 
never to return. It reall}- does seem very strange though that 

Nan enters v. d. hnrriedbj, and puts arms around Mrs. Duskx- 
BERKOf's neck. Mrs. Dusenbkkry's hair falls down and Nan 
picks up wig and puts it on. Mrs. Dusenbei!I!V screams. 

Nan. Oh, ma! Chawley came just now and Katrina ran against 
him and bumped her nose and it bleds and I guess she can't go, and 
Chawley fell down and tore his pants and he can't come in. 

Stands on back of chair; Mrs. Dusexbekry rises and the chair fnlls 
over with Nax. 

Mrs. D. Why, you crazy child, do you know what you've done? 

{tries to fix, hair 
Nan. But I gave him a pair of pa's old pants to put on and he 
will be in in a minute. Now you ain't mad, are you, ma? 

Tickles Mrs. D. under chin; Mrs. D. slaps her and she (joes under 

table. 

Mrs. I). Why you horrid cliild ! Mr. Duffer coming in here and 
luy hair looking like this? Tell him 1 will be down in a minute. 

{exit hurriedly, L, 3 E. 

Nan. (cominij from under table) Don't git excited, ma! Well, I 
declare! things is gittin' a little mixed, ain't they? Guess I'll go 
and find Chawley. {exit r. 1 e. 

Mrs. D. enters l. 3 b. caatioashj, ijets icig from chair, and exit l. 3 e., 
hurriedly. Mr. D. and Nan enter r. 1 e., arm in arm. 

Nan. Oh, my! Chawley, it w;is just awful ! I just came in to 
tell her that you'd come and 1 hugged her and her hnir all came 
down and she couldn't stay and she iiad to go and she said I might 
stay with you until she came back and she said she'd be buck ii^etty 
soon and— (stops to take breath 

Mr. D. {heaves siijh of relief) Guess 1 won't wait, 



CUPID'S CAPE US. 6 

Goes R. 1 K. Nax 'imlls him back by coat tails, and gtts camhj and 
gum out of pockets. 

Nan. Jfow don't git uneasy cause ma'U be down in a minute and 
said j'ou was to Avait. Wiiy, she used to be longer than this lots of 
times when old "Deacon Brown" used to come here. Say, ain't 
you awful glad I'm here to entertain you? Why, you wouldn't 
know where to sit, nor nothing. Xow, there's that chair over there 
is all busted. Mollie and her feller s:it down on it and broke it and 
we don't use it no more, but ma Just keeps it in here 'cause it 
matches with the sofa. I'll bet 'twould a bin just like you to flop 
yourself right down onto it and knock tlie very last leg out. Say I 
s'|)ose you try it! I won't tell. Oh, you're afraid to — you're 
afraid. Well, here's a picture book, then; if you're sure your hands 
are clean, (takes album from table) Ma allers tells me that, 'cause 
the albunt gets daubed sometimes. (Duffku sleeps) There, this is 
her picture. You know it's her, don't you? It's like her; but she 
ain't half as good looking, of course ! This is me. Now ain't that a 
daisy? It's the best in the whole .album; but say I you'd never 
thought I was ever little as that, now would you? (puts book down; 
pvts gum in mouth and sighs) Say, Chawley, it's awful wearisome 
tryin' to entertain big folks, ain't it? Well, there, I declare, I for- 
got to take your hat. itakes hat off' of 'Mil. t).'^ head and Jinds him 
asleep; puis hat on table and ^cakes him) S;i|ft, Chawley, does big 
folks allers go to sleep when tliey is visitin'? {sits on Mr. D.'h 
knee) Have you got real awful good teeth? 

Mr. D. No. 

Xan. Then I guess I'll leave my gum on the back of your chair 
'till I come back, (sticks gum on back of chair) I've got to go now 
'cause ma '11 be down in a minute and she's liable to think I'm get- 
tin' too gid<ly; but I ain't, am I? I'd kind 'o like to stay, though, 
and see if sljc rusiies up to you and kisses you just like she used to 
kiss old man Brown. Tra-la-leel {exit K. 

Mr. D. Thank heaven! 

(sii-oons and falls from chair — ehange to sc«ne second 



SCEXE II — Street in ^rirst grooves. Rastus enters I.. 

liastus. {stopping suddenlg) Wei), I clar to goodness if I ain't 
done foigt>t siimfin'. Mas'r .lim done sent me down hyarjes'on 
purpose to go t«i iht post office an' dis chile hab don gone an forgot 
all about it. (Jo-h, hut I's tirel ! I's workin too hard for,, a coin- 
mon ordinary culiud m;in. But say! I ain't no nigger and if you'll 
agree not to give if aiway I'll tell you all about it. Well, yoii see, 
me and some more of de boys was down practicing for a minstrel 
show last week and AVink Ellis he done stole all de w.iter so we 
couldn't wash; dat's a fac, but of course, you don't have ter be- 
lieve it. Well, I's oIIIlc boy fer ole massa Duller and massa Jim— 
dat's his son — and 1 wouldn't be white man again fer thousand 
dollars— no ind.ed ! Well, I mus' hustle back to de po-t otfice an' 
git de mail fer uiassa .lim. I's glad dat I's got ter work pretty 
hard any how, i-oz when a man ain't got nuHin' to do he's allers a 
gittin' into trouble sonu; way or other. Adam and Eve had a soft 
snap whendey was in parailiso, but (ley couldn't hold de iob down 



G C'ifi'ID'S CAP.EES, 

coz dei'e wasn't nnf terdo; yoii see if (ley had done been busy a 
pickin' cotton or suffln' like dat dey wouldn't a had no time to fool 
away stealin' apples and a monkeying wid de snake. I think I kin 
reach dat post otJice in abo\it free steps, {exit v,., takimj lonrf strides 



SCENE III— Law office 0/ Duffer & Sox, second (jrooves.— Bell and 
hooks on table, r. v. f..; desk and chairs. — Tim seated irith feet nn 
desk examininrj letter. 

Jim. Well, I must at least "give the devil his due." Jack has 
certainly sustained, in a most adniirable manner, the reputation 
which he gained at college, of always taking the lead in "catching 
on" to every bit of interesting information; but when I \yrote him 
of my contemplated marriage with iSroHie Dusenberry, which 1 
explained was to be an affair of both love and policy, little did T 
think ot receiving such a reply as this, (reads) "Dear old Jim; 
You will, iierhaps, be somewhat surprised to learn that when your 
very welcome letter of the 0th, came to hand that it found me in 
the act of writing you upon the very same subject. The co- 
incidence can be accounted for, liowever, in this way. I learned, 
some time since, that you were strielcen by the fair "Mollie," and 
fearing from what I knew of your financial condition tiiat you 
might be influencad, to a certain degree, by the reputed wealth of 
her mother, the widow Dusenberry, I was about giving you a few 
"pointei-s' about her affairs. The ditliculty is just this: Ever 
since the squire's demise they have been searching in vain for tlie 
Avill which he is supposed to have made, and in ease the will is 
not found shortly, the bulk of the fortune will go to that scape- 
grace of a son, by a former marriage, Clarence Dusenberrv, alias 
"Two Aces," the gambler and thief, and the family will be left 
almost penniless. You will readily see from this that your future 
prospects are not apt to be brightened perceptibly, by such an 
alliance. Begging you to excuse the presumption on mj^ part in 
olfering you this advice, I remain .is ever, your friend, Jack." 

P. S. I forgot to mention the fact that Miss Mollie and I were 
married on the Stli, so you will readily "tumble" to the source of 
my information; but don't grieve, Jim, Nan is left yet. J." 

He can have her and welcome, curse him ! I shall now do all in 
my power to find that will for Mrs. Dusenberry— only if luckily I 
should discover it. Jack may rest assured that it will not benefit 
him in the least, for if it ever gets into my hands it shall certainly 
be destroyed. (rin>is) I will go down immediately and ofter mj' 
services to the dear widow. Confound my luck anyhow! I never 
suspected there was the least danger of Mollie's playing me false, 
but it seems she has, and "there's no use crying over spilled milk." 

Enter Rastus n. 1 ic. 

Jiastus. Did yer ring dat ar' bell for me, massa Jim ? 

Jim. Y^es, Rastus, I am going out for a short time and want 
you to remain here in the office until I return oi- until the Gov- 
ernor gets back. Do you understand? 

Jiastus. Yes, massa Jim, Rastus luierstiui' all 'i..'u. ir. aside) 
Gosh, but won't dis hyar nigger hab a daisy lini • all niuiie in dis 
q^e. Whe'svl but I'i gwan ter hev a circus. {•hmc.'s a fe>': steps 



CUPID ^S CAPEBS. 7 

Jim. If an}' of our clients shoukl happen to call, you may re- 
quei=t thorn to wait, and inform them that one of us will be in 
.sl)ortlv. 

Vastus. K'reot, massa Jhn. {exit Jim p., 2 e.) Gosh, but ain't 
dis hyar jes' elegant? Dis hyar nigger am done gwan ter be a 
lawyer his; elf, jes' same as white folks, fer a little while, {takes 
booi from tnhle ami sits v:it]t feet on desk) Fotch in de suckers now, 
an dis nigger '11 skin 'em to perfection, jes' same as massa Jim or 
de Guv'nor. {reads) "Where a hereditament, (Gosh, but dat 
word auj most a corker) consists entirely of an estate entailed, the 
principle involved difiers, somewhat, from ti»e one previously 
mentioned." (scratches head and reflects) Yes, I's convinced dat 
am a fac', {reads from cover) "Blackstone's Commentaries." — I 
guess dat am not jes' de look dat dis hyar chile wuz a lookin' for. 
(rises a)td puts book avay) Gosh, but dis hyar bratn work am 
tough; it am berry much worse dan pickin' cotton or hoeln' corn. 
{takes bottle and (jlass from table, looks at (jlass and puts it doicn and 
drinks from bottle.) Guess 1 better take a lay otf an go out in de 
fresh nir fer awhile. Gosli, but I's tirod I {exit n. 2 e. 



SCmXE IV — Street in first (jroores. Katrixa e»fers l. xi^ith band- 
ai/e on her nose. 

Katrina. Veil, I vas got away after all without bringing dot 
leedle 2als along mit r.ie. I dinks »lot if fodder vas ever haf von 
leedle gals so bad like dot, he vas make dem onp into bologna sau- 
sage, or do soniediiigs like dot. Say, I youst dinks I vas know der 
oldt lady vas like to haf me dake dose leedle kid along mit me. I 
dinks dot she vas going to caunnj mit dot old Dufler und she vas 
afraid of being disturbed. Veil, they vas got married for all I care. 
I vas got married mj'self somedimHs, w lu'n my Karl Grocer come 
back. . He vas my fellers, but I haf not seen him for a long times 
already. Maybe he vas got struck after some o ler leedle "Deitcher 
gals." I guess I vas go tlown by der boist office ouet und see if my 
Karl haf write mc a letter already by dis time. {exit r. 



SCPJXE V—Same as scene first. Miis. D. and Duffeu on sofa. 
DrFFKR's head is bound up and Mrs. D. is bathiivj it u-ith cam- 
phor. 

Mrs. D. It is really terrible to think of your having lain here all 
this tinje in a swoon . and no one near to help you; but I thought 
surely that you had gone. Xannie came and reported that you were 
in in a hurry and couldn't wait for me to come down. 

Xax enters r. u. e., and stays up stage. 

Mrs. D. Does the camphor make your head feel any better 
"dovie?" ' ' 

Xan. (aside) Yes, dolling, I feel much bettah now. 

Mr. D. Yes, my dear, a considerable better, but there is such a 
violent ringing in my left ear. 
. Nan. (aside) Poor thins! 



/ 



S CUPID'S CAPERS. 

Mrs. D. Don't you tlilnk you had better lay your ear over on 

my shoulder, sweetest? {piits Dukfer's head on her shonWler) 
There, isn't that much nicer, love? 

Xiin. {as lilt') Oh, rats, ma! 

Entpv Jim, n. V. K., and stands in front of Nan. Duffeu spreads 
handerchief in front o/Mks. D. and kneels. Siusivoons and falls 
into Nan's arms. Nan screains. Mrs. D. and Dufff.r run of x.. 
Nan helps Jim to sofa and (jets camphor bottle. 

Xan. Ma's got Chawley pretty solid, ain't she? {J lU groans) 
Oiiess he ain't had enough camphor yet. {ponrs camphor on Jim's 
hi-ad) Say, tills is just lilce them, ain't it, Jim? You ain't afraid 
though, are j'ou? {yets candy from Jim's pocket) Say, do you think 
I'm too fresh? 

Jim. Oh, no I quite the opposite, {aside) I wonder when it 
escaped. 

Xdii. Didn't you feel awful wlien Mollie got married to that 
otlier feller? You was clean gone on her, wasn't j'ou, Jim? {lays 
head on Jim's shoulder) I Ivinder like j'ou some mj'self. (takes 
ijnm out of month and offers Jim part) Don't you want half of my 
gum? 

Jim. Thanks, awfully, but I'm suffering from a violent tit of the 
toothache. 

Xan. {rubs camphor on Jim's /ocfi) There, don't that make it 
feel better? You can chew gum now pretty soon, can't you? 

Jim. {risimi) Excuse nie, but 1 came to see your mother on very 
imix)rtant business. Will you please send the old Lady in for a 
few minutes? 

Xan. No. I don't believe she'd come now 'cause she's got 'por- 
tant business with your pa, an' I don't think they '11 git through 
very soon either, but you can go out where they are. Ma won't 
care. Oh, sa\'! do you know that your i)a and my ma are going to 
git married, and then me and you '11 be relation and we can have 
just dead loads of fun. Don't you think I'm kinder nice anyhow, 
and ain't you stuck on having me for a relation? 

Jim. {aside) She would be quite a valuable addition to the fam- 
ily, {aland) I^et us go and see ma and then we can talk over other 
matters later. 

Xan. All riglrf, then, come on. I'll show you the way. 

(theji exit I... Nan leadina Jim b)/ the hand 



SCEXE VT — Street in first fjrootcs. Sign u of ^^ Jail." Enter Kauv 
«., looks at sifjn and laitfjhs. 

Karl. I vas in dere but I haf come ouet. {pause) Veil, uf j'Oii 
don't bolief I haf come ouet, I vas go pack und I come ouet again. 
Yes, indeed ! You see 1 vas youst going down der street youst like 
dot; see? {crosses i,.) und I va« see von leedle ilster ofercoit or 
somedings like dot, und I youst take hold of him like dot, see, und 
I git a crimp in mj' hand uiid don'd could let go of der lister, see? 
Yell, I youst got down by Yawcup Eiii.»tL'in's ouet und der bolice 
he come along git a crimp on me und he couldn't let go. Yes, 
indeetl Yell, 1 git thirty days, {pause) Yell, I deetl Shim-- 



CUPTD'S CAPEnS. 

inetta, but my heart vas all broke up in little pieces, yes, indeed! 
You see peforo I vas ni>tii>;.iting in der pie house, here, (points to 
jail) I vas pooty sleek on der turf; yes, I vas quite Jtop and I vas 
haf more as fifteen gals alrea<ly by di:* time, (pause) Veil, I deet! 
Yes, I vas down to see von of my gals youst now, und she glf me 
der shake or der colt shoulder, or somedlngs like dot. She lives 
mit her fodder und mndder on der hoop-skirts of der town ouet und 
ven I game onp she vas ouet on der vcr.m lu und she says, "Hello, 
Cettsmyer," You see dot v.-is my maiden name pefore I vas effer 
married, und she always calls mo (Jettsinyer. Veil, I say, "Hello, 
Katie," youst kinder gooj natured, like dot, see? luid den I sjvy, 
"where your fodder vas, Kalie?" You see I always like to ask 
.il)Out der olt mans pecause — pecanse — veil, pecause I nefer like to 
take dor olt mans py surprise. Veil, she say, "Gettsmyer, my 
fodder vas ouet," und 1 say, "dot vas goot, but where your mudder 
vasV" You see der olt lady, her nuidder, vas older as she is — 
(pause) yes, Katie vas der j'oungest. Veil she saj^, "my mudder 
vas ouet also." "Dot's goot," 1 say, "your fodder ouet und j'our 
mudder ouet, now we vas go in und sit down p}' der fire;" but she 
stick oup her nose yonst like dot, see, und she say, "I peg your 
parding, Gefsmyer, but der fire vas ouet also." Veil, I coom right 
away ([ueek ouet of dot, und I vas sure my heart vas all busted, but 
when I vas go to der docter to haf him oxamine, I find it vas only 
my oxpenders vas broke. But I haf anudder gals und she vas 
youst der peest gals in der whole peesiness; yes, indeed 1 nnd her 
name Katrina Stein, mid I vas going down to see her right away 
fpieek ouet. (ci-osses i{.> So help me gracious, but here gooms 
Katrina now 1 By der great horned spoon, but I must look pooty 
sweot now. (jixes tie and hat and smiles, Katkixa enters i,.) Vy, 
Katrina, how you vasV 

Katrina. None of your peesiness, Karl. You don't like rae any 
more und 1 vas hear dot you haf lots of more gals und I dinks dot 
vas so, for you haf not been to see me lor efer und efer so long. 
Fodder hat' heard you vas a bad mans, too, und he won't let you 
come any more. 

KarJ, (shov'iHf/ jist) See dot? Dot would feex der olt mans. 

Katrina. Wh.nt! You wouldn't hit my fodder und knock him 
down, would you? 

Kari. Veil, ufl hit him und don't knock him down, you can 
youst bet dot I oxamine und see vat telegraph pole he vas tied to. 

Katrina. Yell, I haf gotanuder fellows und he vas cut you ouet, 
und uf you don't like dot I suppose you know vat you can do. 

Karl. Yes, I can snook ouetside, but I no snook uf I know my- 
self, und I tink I do. Oh, I vas too flop! (crosses 

Katrina. You better go, cause I don't like you any more. 

Karl, (kneeling) Oh, Katrina! I luff you! 

Katrina. I don't care. I don'fe want anything more to do with 
you. 

Karl, (goes r., aside) Some feller haf ben giving her tiffy. 
{aUrud) Dot's goot! You may go mit dem Oder rooster. I'm niy 
own chickin now. (pidls hat over eyes and goes j..) I go mit Keety 
Boompfernickle now py der nic-pic ouet und buy her lots of tings. 
I dinks we vas go all py ourselves ouet und got married a leedle 
next Thursdav. 



Katrinn. (ptits arms around Karl's 7ieck and tickles him itmhr 
chin) Oh, Karl, I don't vas mad mlt you ! I vas youst make a 
leedle foolishness, dot's all. I don't vas care for no uder mans but 
yon, Karl. Now you vas like me a leedle, don't it, Karl? 

Karl. Und don't you vas go mit dem uder roosters ouet any 
more somedimes already ? 

Katrina. No, Karl, I don't vas luff nobodys but you, 

Karl. Oh, dot vas bully ! dot vas nice! Nftw we vas go down 
und congratulate der olt mans. 

Katrina. AVhat for, Karl ? 

Karl. Pecause he vas git a nice son of a law. Dot^s me! 

Katrina. Come on, then. 
((Aey exit I-., Karl goes last und tries to tickle hlmselj binder chin 

CURTAIN. 



ACT ir. 

SOSNE I— Drawing room at Mrs. D.'s, same as before, Jim seated 
t,. c. Mrs. D. enters r. 2 e. Jim rises. 

Mrs. D. I am informed. <\v, tliat you wish to see me upon a 
matter of business, but all me to say at the start that you will 
please be .as brief as i)0ssii);.. is it is entirely owing to the friend- 
ship existing between your tathiM- and myself, that I h.ave concluded 
to listen to you at all. Indeed, it would be serving you as j'ou 
ileserve if I were to call the servants and have you put but of my 
house after your 50 far forgetting yourself as to enter heie in the 
way you did. It shows that you had very poor bringiwj up, to say 
the least. 

Jim. (aside) My prospects don't ^seem to be very promising. 
(aloud) I am truly sorry, madam, that I have ofiended you, but 
really, nothing of the kind wns intended, I can assure j-ou, but being 
quite well acquainted here, an 1 as I supposed, upon the best of 
terms with you, I fail to see that I made any great breach of 
ettiquette by 'walking in unannounced, after having tried in vain for 
half an hour to summon some of the servants, who by the waj', 
must be otf to a pic-nic to-',lay, as I found it utterly impossible to 
ring any of them up. 

Mrs. D. Well, it is true, come to think about it, th.at my servants 
have been given a half holld.ay, and so perhaps I have been too 
hasty in arriving at the conclusion 1 did, and will therefore, pardon 
you, provided however, that you promise me faithfully never to 
mention to any person what you may have seen here this afternoon. 
Do you i)ronu:<e V 

Jim. With tlie greatest of pleasure and sincerity, but allow me to 
assure you that I never should have mentioned the matter even if 
you had not exacted the promise. 

Mrs. D. You are very considerate indeed. Here is my hand in 
forgiveness, (the;/ shake) And your business with me was 

Jim. Just this; having cpite an amount of leisure time just now, 
business being dull at the uttice, and leaniini;- that, your linanclal 
welfare depended largely upon a certain will which has baen either 
lost or stolen, I came to otter n\y services in searching for it; and I 



CrPTD'S CA-PEBFi. 11 

will add that the only comiiciisation I desiro avUI be gained in grati 
fying- my dosire to try a litrlo dotoi-tive work. 
' JI/Ps. T). Do yon really moan tliisV 

Jim. Most a.V.'5nre(lly 1 do. \\\\\ yoii accept of my services? 

.V/s. B. Only too gl^ully and believe me I am very gratefnl for 
your kind otlcr. 

.liiii. To begin witli, tlien. yon will please give me all the points 
that have devel(ii>(%l tlui.-; far whleh may possibly prove of any 
value. 

Mrs. I). I am afraid I cannot give you any information which 
will materially assist you. In fact, 1 do not even knoAV positively 
that iMr. Dusenherry ever made a will, although it seems to me, 
after studying the matter over thoroughly, that he must certainly 
have intended to make one, even if he did not; and as his death was 
not a sudden occurence, he probably did not neglect to do so. M}- 
reasons for thinking as I do are these. In the event of his not mak- 
ing a will the grea;er part of the fortune of which we all believe 
him to have been i)0ssefesed, would of course, go to my step-son, 
Clarence Dusenberry, who has al ways been such a scapegrace that 
his father h.ad driven him from home long before we were married 
.Mud always led me to believe that he woidd disinherit him entirely. 
At ^Ir. Dusenberry's death, however, Clarence came here and re- 
m.-iined lor nearly a week and appeared to grieve very much over 
his lather's de.-itli, I eveii had hopes tliat he would permanently re- 
form .-uid break oil" from all his bad associates and upon the strength 
of this 1 invited him to make this house his home, but he ended by 
leaving very m3-steriously one night, and you may imagine our sur- 
prise next day at tinding that Mr. Dusenberry's private desk in the 
library had been broken open and ransacked. Of course it was ini- 
possil)le for us to tell whether any of the ])apers were missing or 
not, but it is reasonable to suppose that such was the case. This, I 
believe, is all I can tell you about the matter. 

Jim, But was there no record kept of the will? 

Mrs. I). No. I had your father investigate the matter and he 
reports that he found no record of it, neither could he And the 
notary who drew np the document or the persons who were wit- 
nesses to it. 

Jim. The prospect is certainly not very promising then, as it will 
be absolutely necessary to our s;;cccss that we get the document 
itself into our hands and that is not going to be an easy thing to do. 
Probably the only feasible plan that still remains is to proceed upon 
the supposition that Clarence stole the will and has not yet destroyed 
it. If he still has the paper in his possession I think that by resort- 
ing to a little strategy, we can recover it; and even if he has de- 
stroyed it it might be possible to frighten him into confessing the 
theft, which would answer about as well. 

Mrs. D. But Avhat course would you follow to accomplish this? 

Jim.. I hardly know. Perhaps it would be best to procure the 
services of some person who can ingratiate himself into the good 
will and confidence of Clarence, and through this person we can 
peihaps recover the paper or at least satisfy ourselves as to whether 
he lias really stolen it or not. 

Nan enters l. 3 e. cmUiotishj and sits on sofa. 

Mrs. D. Yes, that does seem to be about the only course now left 



12 f'rPTD\'=: rAPKJi.9. 

open, but tlio rliancc? for siicccsi do not. look to be very encour- 
aging. 

N((n. (aniile) Guess ni.i ain'r. so mail as she was. 

Jim. True, but still I believe the plan is worth trying. 

Enicr K.vTinXA r. d. 

KatriM, There v.-is a nians ouet here wants to see you on 
}ieesiness, 

Mrs. t). Who is he? Have you his card? 

Katrina. No. He don't vas hafany keards, but I vas know dot 
fellers youst der same. 

Mrs. D. Well, who is he then? 

Katrina, It vas "Two Aces," dot glmbler mans who vas here 
l)efore. 

Mrs. D. Let the gentlenian wait a few moments, please. Tell 
him I will be down directly. 

Katrina. 1 haf somedings to tell you pesides dot. 

Mrs. D. Well, what is it; but be quick about it. 

Katrina. You vas haf to git anuder gals cause mein Karl 
fxrocer he haf come pack, und we go i)y ourselves ouet und got 
married already after a leedle vile. 

Jim. (aside) Seems to be getting contagious around here ! 

Mrs. D. Never mind about your getting married, Katrina, but 
go down and request the gentleman to wait, as I told you. 

{exit Katrina, r. d. 

Jim. {glancing around room) Is there a side i-oom where I can 
secrete myself? I don't think it would be best for us to let Clar- 
ence see me here as he might suspect something. 

Mrs. T). Don't be alarmed ! I will receive him in another room 
and try to prevent his seeing you. 

Jim. But in case he should see me, what excuse would you offer 
for my presence here? 

Mrs. I). Say that you were engaged to one of my daughters. 

Jim. Yes, but Mollie is married now. 

Xan. What's the matter withwe.^ 

Mrs. D. {svr[>rised) Why, Nannie, how in the woi-ld did you get 
inhere? 

Xan. Oh, Ijes' walt/.ed in. {to Jim) How about me, Jim! 

.Tim. Well, you're quite small, but I guess you'll answer. 

Xan. You've got to give me a diamond ring then, 'cause I ain't 
a going to be engaged unless I get a ring. 

Jiin. {fal,-es off ring and gires her) Here, take this then, but 
remember to return it when the engagement is broken, (aside) 
This is the fifth time that ring has been used for the same purpose. 

Mrs, D. Excuse me for a short time, please, and I will see what 
that fellow wants. (exit r. d. 

Xan. Oh, Jim! we are really and truly engaged, ain't we? 

Jim. (sighs) I'm afraid we are. (sits at table 

Xan, (examines ring) Say, Jim, ain't this the same diamond 
ring that you gave to Mollie? ^ 

Jim. No^ This is not the same one, but of course, it is somewhat 
like it. All diamond rings are alike, that Is, they sparkle just the 
same, (aside) This one lias got it's sparkle in soak. 

Xan. Say, Jim, if we are engaged don't you think we ought to 
ACt kinder — well — kinder like engaged folks? 



CUPID'S CAPERS', m 

Jim, Excuse uie, but I've never had much experience In that 
line. '~:ide) I never told .1 lie in my life! 

Nan. Come over here then an' I'll try and teach you. {pause) 
James Henry Duffer, is you don't come over here on this sofa this 
very minute, I'll break ti>e engagement right now, go I will! and 
I Avon 't speak to you never any more, so I won't! 

Jim. (sits on other end of snf a) How is this? 

JVrtH. Well, that's better, but that end of the sofa ain't very 
strong. 

/iw. I gue.ss it will hold me all right. 

Kan. Well, maybe that Is the stoutest end after all, 

(goes close to Jim 

Jim. (aside) I'm in for it now ! 

Nan. Oh, this ain't much lilvc engaged folks! You ought to 
squeeze my hand a little. (Jim squeezes hand and 'Na's jumps up and 
screams) You horrid mean tiling, you ! You must not squeese so 
hard like that ! You don't know how to canart/ a, little bit. Here, 
something like this ! (shows Jiim hoir) Now try it again. There! 
That's better ! I guess you'll learn. 

Jim. (aside) Don't see liow I can help learning, (aloud) Be 
careful of that ring, please, (aside) I've got to use it on another 
girl to-morrow. 

Nan. I guess you can kinder put your arm aroinid me now, but 
be very careful at first until I git used to it. 

Jim. (puts ar.n around her) How is that? 

Nan. Oh, this is just lovely ! (lat/s head on J iM^s shoulder) I've 
a notion not to break the engagement at all. 

Jim. (aside) It '11 go lianl with me if I don't get that ring back. 

Nan. Tills is mucli nicer tlian huggin' big girls, aint it? 'cause 
it don't tire your arm so much. 

Mks, D. enters R. D. Jim goes to chair across stage, and Nan hugs 

the air. 

Mrs. D. (calls Jim aside) It is really Clarence who has called, 
and what surprises luc is that he denies iiaving stolen the will, but 
admits Iiaving broken into tiie desk with tiiat purpose in view, but 
did not meet witli success in tiie search. He seems very repentant 
just now, but of course 1 know liini too well now to put any con- 
fidence in him; but 1 wished to speak to you particularly about a 
strokeof diplomacy tliat 1 liave just made in connection with' the affair. 
It is just tiiis. 1 apiieared to bt-lieve him sincere in all he said, and 
invited liini to remain iiere with us for a few days and he has really 
accept-d tiic invitation. This will give you a capital opportunity 
for searching his rooms without his being any the wiser for it. Luck 
has evidently turned in our favor, and now let us hope that you 
may succeed in finding tliose precious papers. 

Jim. Tills really is good luck, in fact it is almost too good to be- 
lieve; but I'm afraid it will be rather difficult to gain admission to 
his rooms. But hold! I have it! If you can only get him to send 
a note to ids landlady, informing her of tiie fact that lie will be 
absent for several days, then I could send a man there to rent the 
same rooms. AVhat do you think of this plan? 

Mrs. D. It is a capital idea, and I tliink that by using a little 
caution there will be no difficidty in getting him to send the 
note. 



f4 CUPliy'S C'APEBS. 

Jim. And do you know of some trustworthy person whom we 
could send there? I think it would be best to have a confederate to 
guard a.cjainst discovery and a consequent frustration of our plans. 

Mrs, D. Happily there is a man here now who will answer the 
pnrpose, I think. Karl Grocer is Ids name and he is the German 
lad of whom Katrina "was speakijig. lie is remarkably intelligent 
for a green Dutchman, and would be just the man, I tliink — but I 
will send him in and you can judge for yourself, (exit R. D, 

Xan. Wasn't you kinder skeercd wlien ma came in ? Oh, I 
know you was or you wouldn't have skipped as you did. I was a 
little rattled myself, but I don't hardly think I'd a let go anyhow. 
Guess I'll keep the ring a little Avhile yet — you kinder want me to, 
now don't you, Jim? Oh, Jim, don't Ave get along together just 
boss though ? 

Jim. Yes I — I — guess we do, 

Enter Karl, is. u. 

Nan. What in the world is that, Jim? 

Karl. Yas, dot vas me, Karl Grocer, 

Jim. You are the man that ]\Irs. Duscnberrj^ sent in, arc you 
not ? 

Karl. Yas, j'ou can youst bet yum- life dot 1 vas dose mans all 
der times already. 

Jim. {aside tolvAKL) 1 can explain in a few words what I Avant 
of you. You are to go to a boareling house on Longworth street, 
Icept by a Avidow by the name of McGiiniis, No. 721 I believe is the 
place; you must talic a strong rope Avith you — 

Karl. Vat for? 

Jim. I Avill explain that later on. You must engage board and 
lodging tliere for a Aveek and contrive to secure i-oom nuniber eight; 
then after every one in the house if fast asleep, you must let the 
rope down from the Avindow and pull me up. 

Karl. Nixey ! IfyouAvant ter sleep niit Karl Grocer you vas 
haf to get in early and cooni oup der stairs, my frcund. 

Jim.' But I don't Avant to sleep with you, 1 only want to sec you. 

Karl. Veil, you vas looking at me. 

Jim. Oh, you don't understand I 1 want to call and .see you oil 
business during the night, and don't want the landlady to sec mc. 

Karl. You must be oAving her a Icedlc poard bills; uud py der 
Avay, how vas 1 going to scLLle nut ni3' [toard bills'^ 

Jim. {(jicintj iiioney) Here is money enough to pay j^our board 
for a week in advance and still have scA'cral dollars left, but you 
may keep the balance for your services and if you serve me Avell I 
shall give you more. 

Karl, {counts moiie;/) 'I.cven tollars and a pool check. Dot's 
pootygoot! I vas solid on der poard und lager beer for a leedle 
Avhile. Say, I vas your mans I 

Xan. Did you kiiOAV lliat nie and Jim was eng.aged? 

Karl. Vatishdot? 

Nan. Oh, we're going to git m;irried I 

Karl. IshdotsoV Veil, I vas goin' to got married a leedle my- 
self pooty soon, (aside In Jim) Did you vas kiss your gals yet? 

Nan. ISo ! He ain't got sand enougli ! 
Karl. Sand? Vas ish dot? 



CUPID'S CAPERS', X8 

I^an. Oh, lie's too bashful! 

Karl, r haf got sand. 

Jim. Did you kiss your girl'? 

■Karl. Yas, more as feofr.y timf.«. 

Xan. Oil, my! wasn't that just lovely! 

Karl. Yas, but the faist time I kiss my gals, .shingcr und gees- 
wax ! she come agin mj^ lips so hard und sweet dot uf slie'd cfler ;i 
hit a ginger eakc dot time it would a knoeked all der molasses ouet 
uf it, but r ean stand all of dot kind cause I haf had oxperionce, I 
haf been married peforo. 

Jim. You are a Avidower then, are you? 

Karl. Veil, I guess I vas somedings like dot. 

Jim. {asidf) Those old "chestnuts'' are getting rather thick 
around here. 

Karl. (pHts hand on Nan's li'^nJ) Yas, I haf been married und I 
haf got von leedle poys youst about like dot. He vas only four 
years olt. (Xax i/nes vp siaa.' (inririi) liast Thaustay vas his baeth- 
daj', und as he vas four years olt I think all to myself, I will got 
him a bacthdaj- present. Veil, I vas go all around by der stores 
ouet und all I could find vas a leedle dog. You see it ain't every 
ding dot would be a nice present for poys like dot cause he vas only 
four years olt. Veil, I dakes der dog home und der leedle shafer he 
vas telighted und he clap his hands und he jumps oup und he laugh 
all over, und der little feller vas only four years olt; so I say, 
Willie ! You seeder poys name vas AV'illie. I say, "Willie, jest you 
dake der dog und snook ouctside und haf fun und make monkey- 
iloodle peesiness mit der dog." lie vas only four years olt, but he 
go ouet, youst der same, ^'ell, I vas sit myself down und read my 
paper ouet und pooty soon der poy pring der dog in der house und 
he say, "i'ap! you play mit der dog und haf fun und make 
monkey-doodle peesiness." VnW, I w;is older as der poy vas — oh, 
yes, I vas der oldest! You see der leedle poy, he vas only four year 
olt. Veil, I dinks to niysclf, youst to please der poy, dot I make 
monkey-doodle i)eesiness, und so I say, "Willie, vat you vas haf 
me do?" Veil he say, "Pap, you git down on your hands und 
knees;" veil, der poy vas only four years olt luid so 1 git down on 
my hands und knees und he say. "now, pap, j'ou growl." Veil, I 
dect growl, und den he say, "Jlats! catch 'em, Boze!" Veil, uf 
you don't tink dot dog seek me, den you vas mistooken ! He v.as 
grab nic py der seat of my oxpenders und he drag me ouet doors 
und ni der house, oup stairs, down der cellar und all around der 
whole [leesiness, und all dot leedle son-of-a-gun do vas to clap his 
hands und say, ".Stick to him, paj), you'll be der makius of der 
pup!" Und dot leedle pill vas only four years olt! 

Katiuxa enters v:Hh bruoin, and as he jlnishcs she runs him ojf h. 



SCFNE II — Street it first grouces. Kakl runs in h., follvwed bij 
Katrixa, and stops it. c, out of breath. 

Karl. Oh, 1 vas all ouet of chewing tobicco! I vas never run 
another step for all der gals in der whole peesiness; you can youst 
t»et your life on dot ! 



16 CUPID'S CAPERS. 

Katrina. Veil, Karl, you can youst bet your life, too, dot I ain't 
goiii' to haf you in clot place a makin' a fool of your.self any more, 
so I ain't! and you don't need to go around und tell everybody dot 
you vas married pefore und haf von loedle boys dot vas four years 
olt already, either. 

Karl. Veil, uf you don't like dot, you know vat you can do? 

Katrina. Yes, but I don't want eferybody to know dot you vas a 
"Widower und haf von leedle poys. 

Karl. Oh, shiminy gracious! don't got oxoited about a leedle 
ting like dot. I tink you vas better be glad dot I haf got dot poys 
cause, you see, Ave vas haf a nice leedle family right avay queek 
already, as soon as we are married. 

Katrina. I never thought about dot. 

Karl, (taking Katrina b>j the arm) Come on mit me und we vas 
go ouet und promenade in der chestnut grove und list&n to der 
twitter of der canar}"^ birds, und fees cvcryting up all right. 

(they exeimt R. 



SCENE III— Mr. Duffku's office as he/or .JlA)i-yvs seated Kith feet 

on table. 

Bastus. Gee whillakers I but I'se done got a big case on my 
hands now. An olc bum done come in hvar an' say his name am 
Two Aces, an' how as ole Massa Duffer done got a will hyar lougin' 
ter him, an' if I's a mind ter git um for him he's gwan ter give me 
fo' dollars an' a half, an' if 1 don't he'8 gwan ter shot me. I done 
i-oped dat case in mighty sudden,! tole you. Cole day when dis 
nigger's gwan ter run any chances of gittiu' shot like common Avhite 
trash! (noise heard h.) Come in dar, or else shove your money 
under de door ! 

Enter Mu. D., l. 2 k., eery drunk — smashed hat in, one hand and bottle 
in the other — sinys and dances. Uastus goes xaider table. 

Ikistus. Gosh, but de ole ujan hab done got um agin ! Dis uigger 
ain't gwan ter take no chances doin' bizness wid liim jes now. 

DuFFKR drinks from bottle, and sees Rastus under table. Throws hat 

at Kastus. 

Mr. Duffer. Come out here, nigger, and take a drink! I'm-hic- 
engaged ! I am ! (shouts) Set 'em up in the other alley ! 

(dances; Uastcs comes nut cautiously and drinks 

liasius. (Jan't miss a chance like dis, even if I is skeered! 

Mr. D. Shut up the-er ofhcc and take -er-hic-vacation for fo'-hlc- 
years. 

Bastus. J clar' to goodness, massa Duffer, whar you git dem 
pants ? 

Mr. D. (looks at jiants) Tljosc-/-new pants — hie — wedding pantS 
— trifle too long-hlc-let's go home and celebrate! 

{they exeunt c. d., arm in arm 

CIKTAIX. 



CUPID'S CAPEBS. li 



ACT III. 

SCENE I — Kitchen in second rjrooves. Mrs. McGinnis seated l. c, 
pealing potatoes. Knock heard k., and Kakl enters loith large 
valise. 

Karl. Vas dees tier McGHnnis' hotels? 

Mrs. MgCt. Yis, sor, this is the iligant palace, boardino- and lodg- 
ing establishmint kept by the widdy ]\IcGinnis, that's meself. Did 
yez "wish to be after stoppin' wid me? 

Karl. Veil, dot depends ! I vas pooty much bardicular all der 
dimes abouet vat kind of agomodations I vas going to haf already. 

Jlrs. McG. Sure an' the loikes of yoursilf had ought to be satis- 
fied to shlape wid the pigs. 

Karl. You vas mistooken in der person, ray dear. I vas von of 
der pig guns, (aside) Yas, I shoot snipes! 

Mrs. JlcCr. Sure, an' [ think Ave can be after suiting yez ony 
way. 

' Karl. A^ell, to goniencc mit, I always haf to sleep alone all py 
mineself pecause 1 haf got corns. 

Mrs. McG. An yez can shlape alone if yez have a nioind to. 

Karl. Und I vas always haf to sleep in number eight youst to 
remind me to gotoupat eight in der morning, (aside) Und ate 
oup all der brickfast. 

Mrs. McG. Faith an 1 hev a mon in thotroom this long toime. 

Karl, (starts tovard drmr) Yell, I vas go down py fiiist street 
ouet und poard mit der Junction Hotels all der vile. 

Mrs. McG. Well, yez kin hev thot room if yez be only goiii' to 
sthay u few days. The mon wlio occui\ves thot room hev gone to a 
wake an' he '11 niver come back aforo Saturdaj'. • 

Karl, (comiiir/ hade) A^ns der clock in der room? 

Mrs. McG. jSTo, but I'll be atter bringing wan oup fer yez if yez 
must hev it. , 

Karl. Don't you vas got oxcited abouet der clocks yo'ust now 
right away. I don't vas want a clocks. In der hotels dot i vas 
stop in der last time, der vas a clocks vat teek so loud it keep all 
der beoples avake und all der vay I could sleep vas between der 
teeks. Yes, indeetl Yas der any bid bugs in dees hotels? 

Mrs. McG. (angrij) Xo, sor! 

Karl. Any i-ats ? 

Mrs. McG. Xo, ye spaliteen, Ihcro is not? 

Karl. Any mice? 

Mrs. McG. Xo, sor! 

Karl. Ober dere might be some skeeters all dev vile? 

Mrs. McG. Xo, sor! sure an' there be nothing of the kuind in 
this house. 

Karl. Yell, I guess 1 vas stop mit you a leedle vile und 1 vas 
like ter go to bed right avny (lueek cause I vas go ouet to see my 
gals last night all der dimes, und 1 vas got pooty sleepy, (aside) 
Yas, I vas in jail last night! 

Mrs. McG. Come on thin an' I will show you the way. 

(theg exit h. 2 E. 



IS CUPID'S GAPERS. 

SCENE II — Interior in first yrooves vnth door ij. and l. Card on l. 
D. showing number nine, undone on k. d. showing number eight. 
Karl enJej-s l., %oith valise and candle and goes to k. d., but card 
turns down and shoios number nine, and l. d, shows number eight. 
Karl goes r. and l., and mtmbers change ad lib. 

Karl, (sits on valise, c.) Veil, I giies.s dot Karl Grocer lIllI.■^t pe 
drunk again. Guess I vas see uf I can set my breath on fire, (holds 
candle up and blows it out) My breath vas too strong for der can- 
dles I (lights match on seat of 2)ants) You sec I vas built this way ! 

(rises and exits l. d. 



SCENE III — Interior in third grooves. Bed an floor up- stage C. 
Table and chair l. Candle on table. Kakl discovered taking off 
shoes. liemoves hat, coat, vest, etc., but remains undecided as to 
pants. 

Karl. Veil, I guess I vas leave dose pants on cause der might pe 
a lire, und I vas like to got u]) (jueek. (takes revolver out of valise) 
I guess I vas better use dose disoligcr for a pillow, (calls) Land- 
lad j' ! I^andlady ! 

Mrs. McG. \i\. 2 k.) An' phatdo yez want noAV? 

Karl. Vas der any rats here? 

Mrs. 31c G. Xo. 

Karl. Any bid bugs? 

Mrs. McG. No, 

Karl. Goot night I 

Mrs. McG. Goodnight! 

Karl, (takes off one sock) Xo, I guess not! It might run away I 
(puts sock on foot)^ Ladylady ! Landlady I 

Mrs. McG.' (without i?. 2 K.)'\Vliat 'II yez hev? 

Karl. Vas der any skeetcrs hcrei' 

Mrs. McG. No, sor! Now go to sleei» and don't bother me ony 
more. 

Karl. Goot night! 

Mrs. McG. Goodnight! 

I2at runs in, r. u. e. Karl shoots it and picks it up bg the tail. 

Karl. Oh, no! Der vas no rats here! (goes to bed) Veil, I vas 
dry und sleep a Iccdie, youst for instance : (calls) Landlady I 

Mrs. 3IcG. (r. 2 E.) Won't yez iver kape still? What do yez 
want? 

Karl. Goot night ! 

Mrs. McG. Good night and plisint dramcs, but don't call me 
again or you'll wish yez hadn't. 

Karl. Vas dot so ? 

Bed bugs comedown the wall and Karl strikes at them ivith pillow and 
kills afevj. 31osquitos come; Karl thruv:s pillovj at Litem, and 
they carry pilloio up and, away, Karl gets up and, rats come in 
and run officith bed. 



CUPID'S CALEBS. 19 

Karl. Veil, 1 don't vas care much abouet sleep any way. I dinks 
it vas abouet dimes to helup dot mans in der window. 

Lets out rope mul pulls -up Mrs. McG., armed with a broom. She runs 
him (iff L. 2 E. 

-u'j's. McG. (ioot night! goot nig-ht! 



SCENE IV— Street in firU grooves. KxKi. enters J.., cnrryinrj shoes, 
coat, hat and valise. 

Karl. Whew I but dot vas a glose calls ! I iiefer pulls in a fish 
line niit der fisli on der wrons; end of der line pefore. Dot feller 
Jim got a tookit for der stone yard sure, cause a bolice haf a dead 
sure crimp on him. Dot feller .rim say he vas after a wills or some- 
dings lilie dor, und said I vas i>ctter go down to der office luid told 
der olt mans all abouet it, but I vas sliowum. I gits dose will my- 
self i-ight avay queek ouet, all by mineself. I must go down to der 
glue factory und get der landlady leexed onp faist. 1 vas broke der 
landlay all to pieces. 

Exit r.., drcKjijiitij Inii'i rope with dummy tied, to end, representinrj Mrs, 
Mc'G. vnth broom. 



SCENE V — Dh^kker's o_ftice as before. Rastus discovered dancimj 
c, and dressed as a dade, weariwj sa)ne pants that Duffer ioore 
preriottshj. % 

Iiastus. Golly I but dis liyar nigger am lucky I Ole massa Duffer 
done got ter feelin' so ga}' dat he done went and bought cloze an' 
togged dis chile up in great sIi:ipo. Oh, I'm a "dude from Arkan- 
saw!" (dances) Guess dese hyar pants done got pulled too soon, 
kase dey is a trifle coluptious in de legs. Wonder if de ole man don 
lef any terbacker in de pockets, (ptits hand in pocket and gets clay 
pipe) Dat's purty slick I [finds the lost viill in another pocket, 
.^cratclics head thought jnUij, then sitsat desk and examines it} Whoop! 
I's don struck ile ! {Junips -u^i) I clar to goodness! if dis ain't de 
beriy ting what dat ••Two Aces" feller done tole me ter git fer him. 
AViioop : I'se gwan ter git dat four dollars and a half now !) (kisses 
will. IvAiiL R. •i E. tmobserred) Golly I but I's mose a millionaire 
now! (sings) I's a dude, dand}- dude 

Karl. Yasdotso! 

Iiastus. ANHiat j'ou doin' in hyar, white man? Gn on away from 
hyar. 

Karl. Don't got oxcited, my freeiid. Vas ish dose bai)ers you 
haf got dere? 

Iiastus. Dat am a letter I's done got ter keep fer a gemmen. 

Karl. Who vas dose feller? 

Eastns. He don tole me hoAV as his name am "Two Aces." 

Karl. Veil, you vas gif me dose bapers right away qneek ouet. 

Hasttis. Look out dar, white man ! I's don gittin' riled, I is 
and when dis hyar nigger git mad, he's gwan ter hit somebody so 



20 CZTPID'S C'APEBS. 

hard dey '11 spit ink. {takes meat a.r from desk and stands on the 
defensive) I's got dis hyar paper an' I's gwan for ter keep um, 
too. Nothing am gwan ter git um but "Two Aces." You hear 
me? 

Karl, (draios revolver and Rastus (/oes under table) Veil, I vas a 
"Dutch Flush" all by mineself, (uul I dinks I git dose bapers. 

{points revolver at Rastus 

liastus. {offering Kat^t. the will) Dat'sgood! {aside) He never 
touched me ! 

Karl, (examines xoill) I dinks dot T vas a pooty flop detectives. 
I tole you I vas got dose wills right avay queek. Say, nigger, I vas 
der boliee, und I haf to arrest you right avay. 

Hastus. (falls on knees) Oh, niassa policeman I dis yer chile am 
a berry good nigger! I's never don nuffiin' in my life, sure I ain't. 

Karl. Vat you vas do mit dose bapers all dere dimes, eh? Where 
you vas got dose bapers ? 

JiOStus. I don find um in dis hjar bocket, sure. 

Karl. Where you vas get dose bocket, eh ? 

JRastiis. Massa Dufter don gib me dem pants, an' lie don git um 
down ter ole Dusenberry's house. Sure's I's born dat am a fac'. 

Karl. Veil, you vas go mit me, und wc vas arrest der olt mans 
right avay. Snook ouetside now. 

liasius. {aside) He ain't nuf Irish fer a policeman, 

(then '^yif' K. 

SCENE VI — Street in jirst ijruuoes, Jim enters l. 

Jim. I've had a hard lime of it getting away from that police- 
man and the Irish landlady, but I fnial^ succeeded and now I must 
hurry doAvn to the widow's and see wlflt lias become of that crazy 
Dutchman, Karl Grocer. I declare, the fun I had seeingjthe Irish 
woman run him out witl; a broom, would ahnost repay me lor 
being put in jail. (exit R. 

SCENE VII — lioom at Mks. D'b same as hefore. Candle on table, 
It. u. E. Mrs. D. is discovered arranging toilet at mirror. Nan 
enters l. 3 e. hurriedly, v:ith doll. 

Nan. Oh, ma! there be two men out here and they 've got guns 
and lots of awful things, and tliey'vegot Chawley and he's awful 
skeered, and they're goiii' to shoot him and kill him, and he's 
goin' to die and he ain't goin' to Hve any more, and he can't come 
here any more and bring me candy and black jacic and — saj% ma, 
ain't you kinder skeered? lam. (puts doll On table) Say, ma! 
let's hide ! 

3Irs. D, Surely you must be mistaken, Xanniel This cannot be 
true, (noise heard l. Mrs. D. goes i.. and looks off) The3''re bring- 
ing him here a ijrisoner ! 

Nan. {pulling Mrs. D. back) You'd better stay back liere or 
you '11 git hurt. 

Enter Me. D., folloived by Karl und Rastus who are armed vjith 
guns, meat axes, revolvers, etc, Mrs. D. breaks away from Nan 
and Q'ushes toioard Mr. D., but Karl steps in front and she 
runs against him. Nan goes under table. 



CUPID'S C'APEnS. SI 

Mrs. D. Oh, my dai'liiiii;! 

Karl, {tnjiwi to embrace her) Veil, T don't care nf I do, but 
what will Katruia say? 

Mrs. D. {goes to Mr. D., r, c.) AVhat in the xrorlj does all this 
mean ? 

3Ir. D. This is all some horrid mistake. 

Karl. Shut onp dair or I vas preak onp dare whole peesiness mlt 
yon. (^0 Mrs. 1),) Dot mans vas dev big'oest rohl)er vat efer live, 

3lrs. D. Xo! I'm snre it cannot be so ! 

Jim enters l. 

Jim. Why, what is all this excitement about? 

]\an. (coming from under tahJe) Guess I hain't skeered now 
quite so bad as t was, 'cause Jim's here now. {goes to Jim 

Jim. (aside to Kari.) Well, Dntchey, we didn't succeed verv 
well in our plans, did we ? 

Karl. If at first yon don't succeed — suck eggs ! I haf found dose 
wills all py mineself. 

Jl/rs. D. But what has Mr. Duller done? 

Karl. He vas haf dose wills in his pants pockets all der dimes, 
und so I vas arrest him. 

liastns. Dat am a fac. Dat will wuz in dose pants, an' olc massa 
Duller done gib um ter me liisself. 

JVan. Why, ma, tliose are the same pants that 1 gave to Chawley 
when he tore his'n. They arc a pair of pa's old pants. 

?Irs. D. This explains the matter, then ; but have you reallv "'ot 
the will, Karl ? 

Karl. ( giving papers) Dot vas der leedle documents. 

Mrs. D. (delighted) Oh, Karl, I ^ciVi embrace you now I 

(goes to embrace Karl 

Karl. 1 vas go you one uf I lose I 

K\rtny\ enters n., and pulls Karl ami;/. MiiH. D. sighs and em- 
braces DUFFKR. 

yan. Guess I'd better be grabbin' un myself I (puts arm around 
.Tim) Let's turn the lights down, ma ! 
Jiastns. I's done got ter love sumtin'. 

Tal-es doll from table and lights ^lire-cracker as he does so — embraces 
doll and it explodes — ni?is off r. 

Karl. I dinks our friends here haf discovered by dis time dot, 
"love vas like der leedle bid bug"— it haf no wings at all but it vas 
git dair all der same, I dinks^ too, dot when our freends haf got 
married as many dimes already as we haf, dey will cease to "pe 
astonished at any of "Cupid's Capers," 







PICTURE. 


s[ax, 
r. 


Jim. 

R. C. 


Karl and Katrina. 

c. Dufpkr. 

L. c. Mrs, D, 

L. 



CURTAIN. 



HAL HAZARD; OR, THE FEDERAL SPY. 

A M'ditaru Drama of Oif lute inir nf the Itflirllinn, in four actt, 

BY FRED. G. ANDREWS. 



This drama is a great success, and is publislied now for the first time, from the 
author's original manuscript. There has been a deniiiini for a play wh cli coiild be 
used by Grand Army Posts, Military Coiuputiics. etc.. which would be ctiective, and 
yet not difficult to represent. This want lliil ll;i.zard will supply. 

It has eight male characters and three female. A few s ddiers both U. S. and C. 
S., may be used, but there is no elaborate drills or dillicult stage business to try the 
patience of the manager. It takes from 1% to 2 hourii to present it. 

The loading character isa double one— "Ueorgo Clarendon," who assumes the char- 
ter of "Old llal" a very deaf and shrewd old man, who is equally at home in the 
Confederate or Federal Camp. As the Spy he is always on hand at the proper time, 
and always comes out ahead in all places where h s services are needed. The other 
characters are all good, consisting of a captain and lieutenant in the U. S. Army, 
and four Co.ufederates. Generals Sherman, iitoueman and Garrard are represented, 
but may be omitted if desired. There is also an excellent Leading Lady; Old Wo- 
man and Negro Comedy Woman. 

Those who order and produce this play will be more than pleased.— Price 2oc, 

"Simply Ii'imense!" is ihe verdict of every company ichich produces if, and every one 

xclio read3 it! Two lioiira of continual ncreamaof laughter! I 'Ihe funniest 

of all modem comedies, entitled, 

AN AFFLICTED FAMILY; 

OK, A DOCTOR WITHOUT A DIPJ.OMA, 

BY MALCOLM S. lAYLOR. 

There is always a demand for a Play which is funny, and written in such a way as 
to be easily represented as regards scenery, and not to difficult in its representation. 
This Comedy will be found all that is desiri*l. The following is a description of the 
characters: 

C. Crotchet, a retired merchant, tick inthe spleen. 

B. Frizzy, a barber addicted to punning and scrapes. 

Dr. G, Linton a practical physician, troubled withpatients, 

L. Staple, a young merchant, subject to bashfnlness. 

Clarence, a student, inclined to ale. 

John Henry a manservant complaining of nothingto do. 

I. Seizer a constable, used to take aipay bad effects. 

Mrs. Crotchet an invalid, illwith nervousness. 

Daisy, her daughter, "I Jof^ affected with a diseaseofihe heart, called love. 

Dolly, her neice, j 

Dorothy, a maiden aunt, afflicted with deafness, knitting, and a poodle dog. 

Betty a maidservant, suffering out of sympathy for Frizry. 

Each one of the above characters is worthy the talent of the best comedy ropre- 
ientatives, either in or out of the Profession. Amateurs especially will find the Play 
eminently suited to their wants. It is in four acts, each act consisting of only one 
scene. The costumes modern, .and scenes all interiors, enabling companies with a 
limited stock of scenery to produce it easily. Nothing like a description of the ludi- 
crous and laughable situations can be given here— but we can truly assure our friends 
that nearly every speech is a signal for roars of laughter and rounds of applause. If 
you want something pathetic don't send for it, but if you desire fun from the rise of 
the curtain on the first act, till its fall on the last act, you may be sure of not being 
disappointed if you order this. Price 15 cents per copy. 

A T TT7 A 'XTC^ r'T?T' TUT? besti red, white and green 

ALWAYS ^^ -•■ -L n-t-^ TABLEAU LIGHTS. We are now put- 
jrxj—l VV J. X X k^ ting up our lights in tin boxes, expressly to go by mail— ear.h 
box contains enough material for one light, with a fuse for lighting, and full and cx- 
plirit directions for burning them. These lights are not excelled by any for brilliancy 
— they burn steadily and slowly — they do not contain a partieal of sulphur, and are 
free from otlensive odors, and are sure to give perfect .satisfaction. 

4®- Do not ruin your tableaux by an inferior light when it is so easy to prooure 
good ones. Price 25 cents per box. 

Orders filled by return mail for cither color. Address. 

A. D. AMES, PUB., 

Look Box 108. GLYSE, OHIO. 



New Temperance Cantata for the Little 

Ones! 



■O' 






•^ 






-BY- 



IDA M. BUXTPy. 

This Cantntn supplies a. wiiiit. Ions: felt. Nearly all published nre cithpr too Inn?, 
or Irotn *\v (lifTiuult, music, or complex st!iirc business <|intc beyond the ri-iK li oF^ the 
! eneriil jnyenile compiitiies. Tiiis one was written especially to obviate ;ill tlirs; 
(litheiiltics, and a':, oiiec ftivo to those desiring', a, takins and effective piece. 

It is designed for .rnvenilc Temples, f^abbath Schools, etc., and requires only a 
I'latlorm, no scenery beins necessary for ifs production. 

'I'he words are all set to old . airs, familiar to every one. 'J'ho stapre directions an; 
plainly siven, and no diflculty will be c.xperieuced in preparing it for i)ublic presen- 
tation. 

The [olloiving arc the characters represented. 

UNCLE SAM. — Dressed in a suit ol' Eed, White ami 

Blue. 
DRUNKARD'S DAUGHTER. —In ragged clothes. 
DERORAH.-~\N\io lead^ theehorus of girls. 
CAPT. PR OIIIBIT/ON— Who leAthiliG chorus of boys 
BROTHER. 
SISTER. 
EOUR GIRLS, dressed in white, representing Maine, 

Kansas, Iowa and Khode Islaivi — the latter being ;■ 

small girl. Each one carries a shield with the nanie 

of her state. 
Oil OR US OF BOYS. 
CHORUS OF GIRLS. 
The Choruses may consist of any number convenient. 

Please order a sample copy, look it over carefully and see it does not please you. 
PRICE 523 CENTS PER COPY. 



--^ THEATRICAL (Sifc.- 

AND FANCY COSTUME WIGS, 

Attoiition is called to this list of WIGS, BEARDS, MUS- 
TACHES, WHISKERS, &o. 

We employ a wig-maker especially to manufacture goods for our trade, 

and can guarantee satisfaction. All goods made 

under our personal supervision. 



In orderiug bo careful to state every particular, i. e. size, color, etc. 
special cliaracter or occasion can be made to order. 



Any wig for 



White Old Man S4.50 

Iron Gray 4.50 

Yankee 4.50 

Irish 4.50 

Crop [all colors] 4.50 

Fright 6.00 

Negro 90 

" [white old mMii] 1.50 

" [grey " J 1.50 

" [with top knot] 1.50 

" [wench] 5.00 

Sir Peter Teazle 5.00 

Shylock 4.50 

Court Wig with Bag 4.50 

Tie 4.50 

Paul Pry 4.50 

Dundreary 5.50 

Light Dress AVig, with parting 5.50 

Hough Irishman 4.00 

]''laxen Country Boy 3.50 

Phy.sician or Lawyer [white] 5.00 

Dress Wig with Eycbr'ws & Whisk'rs 5.50 

Dress, without parting 4.00 

Duplex; can he worn either as a male 
or female Wig; very convenient; in 

reality 2 Wigs inl 6.00 

Flow Wigs, Long Hair, suitable for 
most Shakesperian characters. Fairy 
Plays, &c 5.50 



Dress Scalp, with parting $5.00 

Scalps 2.75 

Gentlemanly Irish, with parting 5.00 

Bald Wigs. Grey or White 4.50 

Rip Van Winkle 4,50 

Grey Dross Wig, with parting 4.50 

White " " " 4.50 

Clowns, in colors 4.50 

Pantaloon, Wig and Beard 5.00 

Robinson Crusoe 4.50 

Monk ; 4.00 

Box and Cox, 2 Wigs, each Wig 3.50 

Chinaman, with Pigtail 5.00 

Dress Wig, superior 5.00 

Red and Brown Bald Wigs 4.50 

LADIES. 

Court Wig 6.50 

Grand Duchess 6.50 

Lady Teazle 7.00 

Marie Antoinette 7.50 

Mother-m-Law 5.50 

Female, plain, Long Hair, so that lady 
can do up as she wishes, a really fine 

Wig 10.00 

Nigger Crape Masks, a substitute for 

blacking the face 2.00 

Ladies' Wigs, Blonde, Light and Dark 
Brown and Black, made up in pres- 
ent fashion 6.00 



Comic Old Woman's Front Piece $2.50. 

BEARDS, WHISKERS, MUSTACHES, &c. 



Side Whiskr's k M'stache on wire SI. 25 

Side Whiskers and Mustache, on 

wire, superior 1.50 

Side whiskers, no Mustache, wire 1.00 

Side Whiskers & Mustache, Gauze 2.00 

Side Whiskers and Mustache, on 

gauze, superior 2.25 

Side Whiskers, without Mustache, 

on gauso 1.50 

Side Whiskers, without Mustache, 

on gauze, superior 1.75 

Full Beard 1.75 

" " superior 2.00 



Full Beard without Mustache 1.50 

Full Beard, no Mustache, superior 1.75 

Mustache and Chin Beard, combined.. 2.00 

Imperials 30 

Full Chin Beard 1.25 

Mustaches on wire 35 

" gause 40 

CRAPE IIAIR-For making False 
Whiskers, Mustaches, &c. 
Colors— Black, White, Light Brown, 
Dark Brown, Iron Grey & Red. 
Price per yard 20 



Address 



A. D.AMES. PUB'R, 



LOCK BOX 102. 



CLYDE, OHIO. 



JimES^ Plays— LantinuEd, 



72 

19 

42 

ls>-i 

220 

14S 

218 

224 

233 

IM 

184 

209 

13 

66 

116 

120 

103 

50 
140 

74 

35 

47 

95 

11 

99 

82 

182 

127 

228 

106 

139 

231 

2:^.5 

69 

1 

158 

23 

208 

212 

32 

186 

44 

33 

57 

217 

165 

195 

159 

171 

180 

48 

138 

115 

65 

232 

137 

40 

3« 

131 

101 

167 

68 

54 



FAECES CONTINUED. 

Deuce is in Him 6 1 

Did i Dream it 4 3 

Domesiic Felicity 1 1 

Dutch Prize i'i>;hter 3 

D.itchvvs. Nigger 3 

Eh? W^ at Did You Say 3 1 

Everybody Astonished 4 

Fooling with the Wrong Man 2 1 

Freezing a Mother-in-Luw... 2 1 

Fun in a Post Office 4 2 

i'amily Discipline 1 

Goose with the Golden Eggs.. 5 3 

Give Me Mv Wife 3 3 

Han?, the Dutch J. P 3 1 

Hash 4 2 

H. M. S. Plum 1 1 

How Sister Paxey got her 

Child B;iptiz d 2 1 

How Sue has Own Way 1 3 

How He Popped the Quest'n. 1 1 

How t:> Tame i\i-in-Law 4 2 

How Stouc Vour Getting 5 2 

In the Wrong Box 3 

In the AVrong Clothes 5 3 

John Smith 5 3 

Jumbo Jum 4 3 

Killing Time 1 1 

Kittie'- Wedding Cake 1 3 

lAvk Skillet Wedding 2 2 

L iiderbach'.-i Little Surprise 3 

]j(iiUings for Two 3 

Matrimonial Bli.ss 1 1 

Matcii *Qra Mother-in-Law.. 2 2 

More Blunders than one 4 3 

Mother's Fool 6 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Pringle 7 4 

Mr. Hudson's Tiger Hunt 1 1 

My Heart's in Highlands 4 3 

.» y Prec'ous Betsey 4 4 

My Turn Next 4 3 

M> Wife's llelations 4 4 

My Day and No\v-a-Days 1 

Obedience 1 2 

On the SIv 3 2 

Paddy Miles' Boy 5 2 

Patent AVashing iMnchino 4 i 

Persecuted Dutchman 6 3 

PoorPilicody 2 3 

Quiet Family 4 4 

Rough Diamond 4 3 

Ripples 2 

Schnaps 1 1 

Sewing Circle of P>rio J 5 

S. H. A. M. Pinafore 3 3 

Somebody's Nobody .1 2 

Stage Struck Yankee 4 2 

Taking the Census 1 1 

That Mysterious B'dle 2 2 

Tiie Bewitched Closet...- o 2 

The Cigarette 4 2 

The Coming Man 3 1 

Turn Him Out 3 2 

The Sham Professor 4 (i 

The Two T. J's 4 2 



204 

15 

172 

98 

222 

214 

145 

190 

27 

230 

153 

24 

23ii 

77 

88 

128 

90 

61 

234 

150 

109 

134 

177 

96 

107 

133 

179 

94 

25 

92 

10 

61 

122 

118 

6 

108 

4 

197 

198 

170 

216 

20(5 

210 

2U3 

205 

156 



17 
1:iO 



M F 

2 
1 
3 
1 

2 
3 



Thirty-three Next Birthday.. 4 

Tit for'i'at 2 

Vermont Wool Dealer 5 

Wanted a Husband 2 

AVaen Women Weep 3 

AVooing Under DifiSculties..... 5 

AVhicuwillhe Marry 2 8 

AVidower's Trials „.. 4 5 

AVaking Him Up „.... 1 2 

Why they Joined the Re- 
beccas .._ 4 

Yankee Duelist 3 1 

Ya kee Peddler 7 3 

ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

Academy of Stars >.... 6 

An Unhappy Pair 1 1 

Black Shoemaker 4 2 

Black Statue 4 2 

Colored Senators 3 

Chops __ 3 

CufE's Luck 2 1 

Crimps Trip 5 

F'etter Lane to Gravesend 2 

Hamlet the Dainty 6 1 

Haunted House 2 

Handy Andy ^ 2 

Hypochondriac The 2 

Joe's Vis t _...«..... 2 1 

Mischievous Nigger > 4 2 

Musical Darkey 2 

No Cure No Pay 3 1 

Not as Deaf as He Seems 3 

Old Dad's Cabin 2 1 

OldPompey 1 1 

Other People's Children _ 3 2 

Pomp's Pranks _ 2 

Quarrelsome Servants _ 3 

Rooms to Let „ 2 1 

School _.„ „ 5 

Seeing Bostingr~~_...„ 3 

Sham Doctor 3 3 

16,000 Years Ago 3 

Sport with a Sportsman „.. 2 

Stage Struck Darkey «. 2 

Stocks Up, Stoclis Down 2 

That Boy Sam „ 3 

The Select School 5 

The Popcorn Man -..«.... 3 

I'he Studio ^.. 3 



Those AAvful Boys....-...„ 5 

Twain's Dodging .«...«.«. 3 

Tricks -.„-«_...... 5 

Uncle Jeff. -...-.....».»..._ 5 

U. S. Mail 2 

Vice Versa 3 

Villkens and Dinah „ 4 . 

Virginia Muu my 6 1 

AV'ho Stole tht, Chickens 1 1 

AV'illiam Tell 4 

Wig-Maker and Uia Servanta 3 
GUIDE BOOKS. 

Hints on Elocution „ 

Hvnts to Amateurs...-........^ 



Si. 



CANTATA. 215 On to Victory (with chorus) 25 cents 4 6 



jfi 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



PLAYS RECENTLY PU 

Lp PRICE 15 CENTS EA< 

219 Rags and Bottles. An original comedy 016 103 881 7 

Taylor, 4 males, 1 female. A play by the author of The j.^^^^^^^^ ^„„..^ 

guarantee of its excellence, liags and Bottles are two street waifi, and the play 
follows their fortunes through good and bad. An opportunity is given to introduce 
gongs and dances. The balance of the characters are good. Costumes modern. Time 
of performance 1 1-2 hours. 

220 Dutchey vs. Nigger. An original sketch in 1 scene, by James 0. 
Luster, 3 males. A landlord lias two servants— one a Dutchman, the other a negro, 
who are continually playing tricks upon each other, which are very laughable. Time 
in playing about 20 minutes. Costumes modern. 

221 Solon Shingle; or the People's liaiiryer. A comedy in 2 acts, 
by J. S. Jones. An excellent play, and easily put on the stage, the scenery not be- 
ing difficult to arrange. Some of the best Comedians have starred in the character of 
Solon Shingle. Costumes modern. Time of performance 1% hours. 

222 The Colored Senators. An Ethiopian burlesque in 1 scene, by Bert 
Richards, 3 males. Avery laughable experie-.ue of two darkey's, who became dead 
broke and hungry— their schemes to get a meal of the landlord of a hotel, are very 
amusing. Costumes modern. Time of performance, 25 minutes. 

223 Old Honesty. A Domestic drama in 2 acts, by John Madison Morton, 
5 males, 2 females. An e.vicollent play with a good moral, showing the truth of the 
old saying that "Honesty is the best Policy." Scenery, interiors. Costumes modern. 
Time about 2 h<.urs. 

224 Fooling -with the Wrong Man. An Original farce in 1 act, by 
Bert Richards, 2 males, 1 female. Charauter- are an Irishman who is not such a fool 
as he looks, a dude, and a society belie. The situations are very funny, and the 
farce must be read to be appreciated. Costumes eccentric to suit. Time of perform- 
ance 35 minutes, 

225 Cnpids' Capers. A f.irce-comedy in 3 acts, by Bert Richards, 4 males, 
4 females. Overtlows \> itli fun from beginning to end. A lawyer, his son, a Dutch- 
man, ;ind a negro are the ma'e characters. A giddy widow and her beautiful daugh- 
ter, a Uerman servant girl, and the Irish hotel proprietressareth^ females. Costumes 
modern. Time of performance about 1 hour. 

226 Brae the Poor House Girl. A drama in three acts, by C. L. Piper, 
4 males, 4 females. The character of Brae, is a capital one for a ssnbrette, after the 
style of Fauchon the Cricket, etc. All characters are good. It abouii Is in fine situa- 
tions, and is a great success. Costumes modern. Time of performance 2 hours. 

227 Maud's Peril. A drama in 4 acts, by Watts Phillips, 5 males 3 lemales. 
A very popu I or drama of the present time. Strong and sensational. English Cos- 
tumes of the prwent. time. Easily put on the stage. Time 1 1-2 hours. 

228 Liauderbauch's liittle Surprise. An Original farce in one scene, 
by E. Henri Bauman, 3 males. A roaring piece, the humor being about equally divid- 
ed between a Dutchman— a negro digu.sed as a woman, and a negro boy. Costumes 
modern. Place anywhere. Time of performance 20 minutes, 

229 The Mountebanks- A Specialty-drama in 4 acts, by Fred. G. An- 
drews, 6 males 2 females. Twoof the charucteis assume various disguises, at once 
effective and artistic. The drama is replete with fine situations, and unlooked-;or 
developments. Mirth and sadness are well combined. Costumes modern. Time 
of performance 2hours. An Aiuerican dram i of the present time. 

230 Hamlet the Dainty. An Ethiopian burlesque on Shakespeare's 
Hamlet, by Griffin, 6 males, 1 female. Burlesque costumes of Hamlet. Very fun- 
ny. Time I'l minutes. 

231 Match for a Mother-in-Lia-w. A Comedietta in 1 act, by Wj'bert 
Reeve, 3 males, 2 females. Tiie heniiecKcd husband, his friend, a servant, the wife 
and the mother-in-law, constitutes the dramatis persouaj. Very suitable for private 
and amateur use, as well as professional. Costumes modern. Interior scene. Time 
35 minutes. 

232 Stage Struck Yankee. A farce m 1 act, by 0. E. Durivage, 4 males. 
2 females. i-~cenes, interiors. A Yankee becomes badly stage struck, by seeing a 
play in a barn, discards his affianced for an actress. The manner of his becoming 
disenchanted, is shown in the play. It is full of laugh. Time 45 minutes. 

233 Freezing a Mother-im-la-w. A farce in in 1 act, by T. E. Pember- 
ton,3 males, 2 fema es. Costumes modern. One interior scene. Old man 2 walk- 
ing gents, old woman, walking lady. A mother-in-law is to be frozen in order to 
gain her consent to her daughter's marriage. She discovers the plot, substitutes 
water for the freezing fluid, yet preti'nds to be equally afifectual by it. Time 46 
minutes. 

234 Old Dad's Cabin. An Ethiopian f.aree in one act, by Charles White, 
J males, 1 female. An e^cel cut darkey plav, full of good situations and sparkling 
dialoKue. Costumes modern. Time 40 minutes. 



